


River Road

by winterpillowtalk



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, M/M, stripper!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:49:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterpillowtalk/pseuds/winterpillowtalk
Summary: Ever since he was a teenager, Louis couldn't stand the thought of Harry. There was something about that man that caused his blood to boil. He made every effort to make sure their paths would never cross again for as long as he lived.It was all going well until one fateful day when their world's finally collided.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 12
Kudos: 13





	River Road

It hadn’t stopped raining and Louis was about to lose his mind. If he had known the rain would have entered its third consecutive week, he would have started building his boat a lot sooner than he had. What? Lockdown had been a chance for everyone to explore new hobbies, it wasn’t Louis’ fault that he had discovered his love for water-bound transport and not baking banana bread. At least he would have been able to sail down the flooded streets of Doncaster as the other people watched him, mixing away as if they were on _The Great British Bake Off_.

With a sigh, he flopped down onto his sofa, reaching for his laptop and opening up YouTube. To Louis’ delight, his favourite channel FloatsAndBoats had uploaded another video. He quickly looked at the title, wondering if it would be worth his time. However, the moment he had that thought, he laughed to himself. Of course it would be worth his time, FloatsAndBoats never let him down.

He rummaged around for his headphones, not wanting his housemate Liam to know what he was watching. It would only bring up more questions about why he was suddenly into boats and whether his friends and family needed to hold an intervention. Again. Besides, Louis was happy keeping his new passion project secret for now. He’d laid down the materials he had managed to collect in their basement, telling Liam that he wasn’t allowed in there for a couple of weeks. When Liam tried to get answers to why he wasn’t allowed in a part of the house he was also paying for, Louis mentioned that there was a moth infestation. Liam hated moths – more than he hated certain cutlery – so Louis knew it was a safe bet to keep the other man away from his makeshift workshop.

Eventually, Louis found his headphones and plugged them in, feeling at peace when FloatsAndBoats’ dulcet tones filled his ear canals.

***

Louis wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but the next thing he knew, it was dark outside. He looked at the clock in the corner of the living room. It was getting close to six in the evening – almost time for Liam to come back from work. He eyed his surroundings, he had done exactly none of the tasks he had set out for himself that morning… not even the ones Liam explicitly asked him to do. Liam was going to start yelling at him the moment he got through the front door. Louis sighed to himself. It wasn’t his fault Boris Johnson decided to close all the places he deemed as non-essential! In his mind, Louis thought that a shop selling only foam was essential. You’d never be able to anticipate when you’d next need to get your hand on a meter of high-quality foam. The Tories would never understand this, though.

Somehow, Louis managed to roll himself off the sofa and onto the floor with a loud bang. Not the most graceful way, but it did the trick. He lifted himself off the floor and began to throw the empty cans and packets of crisps into the bin. Even if he didn’t get around to hoovering, dusting and polishing the surfaces, he could at least make it look less like a university house combined with a public toilet.

No sooner had he disposed of the final bottle, he heard the front door unlock and someone come into the hallway.

“If someone mentions spreadsheets to me in the next twenty-four hours, I am legally allowed to punch them in the face,” Liam stated, taking off his soaking wet coat as he came further into the house.

Louis laughed but knew his friend was being serious. “Don’t worry, I won’t say a thing about the S-Word around you. I promise.” Liam didn’t grace him with a response, which was what he expected. Despite living with the other man for close to two and a half years, Louis wasn’t sure what Liam’s job was. All he could gather was that it included long hours, spreadsheets and people who wouldn’t listen. In summary, a job which Louis couldn’t care less about, and knew that if he approached the subject, Liam would start talking about maths. Louis didn’t know anything about maths and he would like to keep it that way.

It didn’t take Liam long to realise that the house was still a mess. He let out a long, frustrated sigh. Louis already knew what was coming. “I only asked you to do the bare minimum, Louis. C’mon. I work all day and expect the house to be clean. It’s not like I’m-“ at this point, Louis had checked out of the one-sided rant, opting to gaze out of the window instead.

He couldn’t stop thinking about his future raft. The materials were coming tomorrow. He had booked in a delivery slot for 10am, giving him enough time to start building but not too early that Liam would still be hanging around the house. If he was going to be successful, Liam had to be as far away from the house as possible.

“- and that’s why I wanted you to do something, Louis!” Liam shouted, jolting Louis back into the room.

“I’m sorry,” Louis replied, giving Liam a weak smile. He wasn’t sorry, but if he wanted to keep the peace in his house, he had to lie about it. “We should go out tonight,” he suggested, trying to get Liam back on his side. “Eat Out To Help Out and all of that.” Liam didn’t look too convinced at the idea. “ _Please_ ,” Louis whined. “We can go anywhere you want. I’ll pay!”

Liam was silent for a second before nodding. “Fine, but I know you won’t pay, but we can go.”

Louis cheered.

***

They had been out for a couple of hours before decided to head back. Somehow the rain got heavier. Louis jumped in every puddle as they made their way back to the house, ignoring Liam’s disappointed looks whenever dirty water hit his jeans. “If the weather keeps it up, we’re going to need a boat! This is getting ridiculous,” Liam complained, mainly to himself. This made Louis chuckle. If only his friend knew what he had planned.

***

Today was delivery day and Louis was about to throw up due to the anticipation. He had waited so long for this moment – a full six days! He didn’t know how he managed to keep sane during that time, all he could think about was his future pride and joy taking up 80% of the basement floor. It would be large and beautiful, much like Mr. Blobby. Maybe he should call his new vessel Mr. Blobby, Louis thought to himself. He decided to come back to that thought.

It was approaching 8:30am when Liam finally made his way out of the door, telling Louis that he had to do something today. He couldn’t lie around the house all day and rot into the sofa watching reruns of _Fat Families_ on TLC. Louis laughed; he had plans for today, but they could not be disclosed to his friend until further notice.

Not knowing what to do in the meantime, Louis went back to bed and put on his favourite song ( _Barbie Girl_ by Aqua). It was a classic song and spoke so deeply to him. When he listened to it, he felt like _he_ was a Barbie Girl in _his_ Barbie World. Maybe, soon, he could get to this but instead of Barbie, he would be a Louis in a Louis World. He smiled to himself, letting his mind wander off.

***

What felt like a lifetime passed before he heard three loud knocks on his door, forcing him out of his fantasy world. Louis bolted up, knowing it could only be one thing: HIS MATERIALS! With shaking legs, he walked down the stairs, barely collecting his nerves before he opened the door.

“Got a delivery for a, um, Mr. Tomlinson?” the delivery man said, not looking up from his clipboard.

Louis had to stop himself from leaping onto the blond man as he confirmed that he was the right person. He listened as the deliveryman listed off what was in the back of his van, making sure that everything Louis had bought made it to his house. In his mind, Louis went through this whole order, mentally checking off each item when it was mentioned.

But something was missing.

“Where’s the eight-metre wooden pole?” Louis asked slowly, feeling a sense of dread hit the pit of his stomach. He needed that pole – it would be what held the sails up. Without it, his boat wouldn’t be able to move and his dream would be crushed.

The man hummed to himself, running his finger down the bit of paper he had in front of him until he reached the forgotten item. “That was delivered to a Mr. H Styles from 18 River Road.”

Louis narrowed his eyes at the mention of the name. Harry Styles, his arch-nemesis from his childhood. He couldn’t believe it! He knew that Harry would do anything to make his life a living hell, but he didn’t think he would’ve gone as far as to steal something so vital to his creation. It was a low blow. A deadly blow.

“How did he get my stuff?” Louis questioned, trying his very best not to start yelling at the man before him. “It doesn’t make any sense… they were ordered to me under my name for this address.”

The deliveryman sighed, not wanting to carry on the conversation for longer than necessary. He was typing away on his phone quickly, putting it to his ear, and mumbled something to the person on the other end. Louis watched him carefully, eyes still narrowed. He couldn’t understand what was being said on the phone, but from the man’s body language he could tell it wasn’t good news. Louis was going to start throwing chairs.

When the man hung up, he gave Louis a tired look. “Listen, all I can do is apologise. The person we delivered your stuff to said he knew you. Something about being a relative? Maybe a cousin? I don’t know, man. It wasn’t me. Blame Simon, he was the one with that delivery.”

His cousin?! Louis wanted to be sick – and not the good kind of sick. The very bad kind. “When will I get my missing part, then?” he questioned, trying to ignore the nauseating feeling in his stomach.

“That’s the issue,” the man said, refusing to look Louis in the eyes. “Because of these unprecedented times and Brexit, the wood you want is no longer being delivered to England. We’ll have to make other arrangements, but it should only take a week or so.”

“A week?!” Louis yelled, losing all his composure. “Listen here, mister! What’s your name?!”

“Niall,” the man – Niall – replied in a bored tone, only making Louis see flames. “It’s the best we can offer at the moment. We’re sorry for the mistake, but this is all we can do. Unless you go down to Mr. Styles’ house and steal it back from him.” Niall laughed to himself, knowing it was a stupid suggestion. No one in their right mind would travel over one hundred miles to Redditch to collect a bit of wood.

“Listen here, Niall. No one gets in the way of me and my projects. I’m going to get it now. Give me that address,” he snapped, his arms crossed. He meant business. When he noticed that Niall was hesitating, Louis spoke again. “I don’t care if it’s against your flimsy policies. Give me where your useless colleague abandoned my stuff before I call my lawyers.”

Niall knew he couldn’t afford (or be bothered) with a lawsuit, so he found the right address, handing it over to the tiny angry man.

***

They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, and Louis finally understood why. Maybe he should have considered that he didn’t have a car when he stormed out of his house, but it was too late now. He was on this fifth bus of the day slowly losing the will to live but knew he had to carry on. Rage fuelled him. He was planning what he was going to say – and do – to Harry when he finally reached that awful man’s house. He hoped he lived somewhere rundown. A house with its windows broken and doors hanging off hinges would be an idea to him, but the thought of his precious pole existing in such filth made him even madder. “I’m coming for you,” Louis whispered to himself, shuffling his songs again before he settled on _S Club 7_. 

He gazed out of the window, resting his face against the dirty glass. If it wasn’t for Harry coming in a ruining his life, he could have been working on his boat at this very moment. He might have even had the base semi-built, or have started planning out what colours he was going to colour it in Microsoft Paint.

There was no point dwelling on what had happened too much. Louis refused to feel depressed when listening to _S Club Party_ because as the icons themselves said, there ain’t no party like an S Club Party.

***

Louis had reached The Street where The Man (thief) lived. He hated being there, knowing that Harry could make an appearance at any time. The thought made him want to cry. He needed to get what he came for, say what he’d planned for hours on the bus, and then get out of there as quickly as possible.

As he walked down the street, _S Club 7_ still blasting through his headphones, he counted down the house numbers until he reached 18. Much to Louis’ disappointment, the house looked nice – better than his house he shared with Liam if he wanted to admit that to himself. Unfortunate. He had hoped that nothing worked out well for the other man, but it was glaringly obvious that Harry had been successful in whatever he wanted to do.

Psyching himself up a little, he pushed opened the gate and walked up the winding path lined with rose bushes. Louis wanted to crush them all. Maybe he would when he got what he came for. He couldn’t risk annoying Harry too much that he would hold his pole hostage for any longer.

He knocked on the door and waited, feeling his anger increase the longer he stood on the front porch. Maybe crushing the roses was the way to go, he could even start kicking up the gravel if he was given enough time. But before he could think up any more damage to cause to the innocent garden, he heard the sound of someone unlocking the door.

“No, I don’t want to buy a vacuum! Leave me alone!” Harry shouted, not bothering to look at who was stood in front of him.

Louis was confused, did he give off the door-to-door vacuum salesman vibe? He hoped not. “What?” he asked, still not understanding what was going on. “I’m here to get something you stole from me!”

Harry looked at him, his two green orbs finally taking in who he was speaking to. “ _You_ ,” Harry hissed. “What do you want? Hold on, how do you know where I live?! We haven’t spoken to each other since we were teenagers.” He pushed his luscious brown locks from his face, starting to look angrier. “Stole what from you? I haven’t taken anything.”

Louis screamed, frustrated. “The pole! The wooden pole! You said to the deliveryman that you were my cousin and they gave it to you. I want it back. It’s important to me.”

Harry was still looking at him with his olive spheres. “You came all this way for some wood which someone happened to give to me by mistake?”

Louis didn’t know what was so hard to understand. He had just explained exactly that. “Listen here, lad,” Louis started, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down. He knew yelling at the man would get him nowhere. “Give me the pole and I’ll leave you alone. You’ll never see me again. Simple.”

“No,” Harry replied, shrugging.

Louis' vision turned red and before he knew what he was doing, he had begun to body slam various foliage within his vicinity, making sure to pay extra attention to the roses near the path. He hated them more than most things – more than Liam hated spoons.

His senseless violence did nothing to provoke a reaction from Harry. Nothing at all. Louis felt stupid, and also uncomfortable as the thrones had ripped through his jumper. Harry didn’t need to know that, though. “Give. It. Back,” Louis demanded, talking extra slowly so the other man could understand.

“Or what? You’re going to burn down my fence? Pick all of the leaves off my tree? Tell me, Louis. Why do you hate nature so much?” Before Louis could cause any more damage, Harry reached out with his mega arm, preventing the other man from poisoning his grass. “Tell me why you want the bit of wood. Can’t you just get another one?”

“No!” Louis whined. “They’re not being shipped to England anymore and I need that one. It’s perfect, the best one on the market for what I want it for.” Louis paused. “Why do you want it, anyway? What could you be doing with an eight-metre pole?”

“Stripper pole,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Strip- it's eight meters tall and made of wood.”

“Tall ceilings.” Louis looked at him sceptically. “We’ve all found hobbies during the lockdown. Don’t judge me. I should be asking you why you want it and why you think it’s so important that you travelled all this was from, where, Castle Donington, to come and get it?”

He didn’t bother correcting his enemy because he knew it would be a lost cause. He was getting tired and wanted to go back home, ideally before Liam noticed he was gone. “Please give it back to me. I’ll leave you alone if you do,” Louis begged, hoping that Harry would begin to pity him.

Harry did not.

However, before Harry could respond, Louis’ phone started to ring. He checked the caller ID. It was Liam. “Hello?” he said, not knowing why Liam was calling him at this time.

“Care to explain to me why there are about four tonnes of wood on our front lawn?” Liam asked, not sounding happy at all.

Louis wanted a void to open beneath him and swallow him whole. He can’t believe he had forgotten about the delivery during his fits of rage. He should have asked that unhelpful Niall man to bring it all down to his basement, but he was too focused on getting to Harry’s house to consider it.

“Answer me,” Liam demanded, sounding more tired than annoyed. “I come home early for the first time in months, but I can’t get into my house because the path is blocked!”

“It’s a long story,” Louis started, looking at Harry who looked like he wanted to laugh at him. He groaned, knowing that he had to tell Liam what he was planning. “So, you’re going to laugh at me…” He hesitated, weighing up the pros and cons of telling the truth. “But I’m building a boat in the basement.”

“A BOAT IN THE BASEMENT?” Harry and Liam said in unison with various levels of surprise and alarm.

“…Yes?” Louis said, not seeing the problem. He had it all worked out. Once his boat was completed, he would cut out the living room floor and hire a crane to lift it out of the house. It was fool-proof in his mind. They’d done it on _Grand Designs_ that one time and it worked out perfectly. Louis was sure he could copy it without any issues. “I’m at Harry’s now. He took something I need.”

“You’re at-? You know what, never mind. How did you get to his? Doesn’t he live in Redditch?” Liam questioned. “You don’t own a car, Louis.”

“I know that, Liam,” Louis scoffed. “I got the bus.” Liam was silent for a long time, making Louis wonder if the other man had either hung up or been murdered on the other end. Being murdered didn’t make sense, though. Unless it was the world’s quietest death ever.

After a moment longer, Liam groaned. “I’m coming to get you. Text me Harry’s address and stay where you are. If I get there and see you’re either not standing near the road or sitting in Harry’s living room, then I’m going to hunt you down, Tomlinson.” Before Louis could respond, saying he didn’t want to spend any more time with the other man and that getting the bus back really wouldn’t be an issue, the phone line went dead.

Louis grumbled to himself, knowing that he couldn’t test his friend much longer. He sent him a quick text with the address. Within a few seconds, Liam had replied with a single passive-aggressive thumbs-up emoji.

Chilling.

“I can’t leave you standing on my front porch for hours. I guess you should come inside and sit down or whatever,” Harry said, opening the door wider. “C’mon, you’re making me let all the heat out. I’m _not_ paying to heat the neighbourhood.”

Louis didn’t want to go inside. This was the thief, the felon, the man who stole what he wanted – no, what he _needed_. He didn’t know what else this man was capable of. For all Louis knew, he was walking straight into a trap; why else would his childhood foe want him inside his house, away from the public?

He still hadn’t moved when Harry gestured inside, still looking at him. “I may be an idiot… but I’m not stupid,” Louis said, staying where he was. “I know you don’t like me and I’m not spending time with you alone inside your own house.”

Harry, still observing at the teeny man outside his house, shook his head, his chocolate mane covered his emerald globes momentarily. “Please come inside. I won’t slay you or whatever you’re currently thinking.” Again, Louis stayed immobile. “I’ll give you that damn pole back if you come inside. _Please_.” He knew he had begun to beg, but he didn’t care. He was tired of holding the door open for the other man and could tell that it was about to start raining again. Harry did not want to be held responsible if Louis got pneumonia – he looked like the kind of man who has an immune system as strong as a soggy ham sandwich.

It seemed to do the trick. Louis perked up, almost like a puppy being offered food and cautiously walked past Harry and into the living room.

***

Louis concluded that Harry did have super high ceilings the moment he walked into the main room. It was a nice-looking place, definitely better than what Louis and Liam had back in Doncaster, but Harry didn’t need to know that. Not at all. Louis was told to make himself at home, which almost made him laugh. Making himself at home in a house owned by his adversary? Not in a million years! However, that didn’t stop him from making himself comfortable on one of Harry’s armchairs as the other man faffed around in the kitchen.

Liam was going to be there in less than two hours, saving Louis from spending any more time with the man he hated. Even thinking about what Harry did all those years ago made his blood boil. He still couldn’t believe it!

Seething quietly in the corner, Louis kept looking around the room, noting random things Harry had collected. Why this man had decided that it was appropriate to hang multiple hats along the wall, Louis would never know – or care to understand further.

“Louis,” Harry called from the kitchen. “My friend is picking something up from Chinese on his way back from work. Do you want anything?”

“No,” Louis replied, not letting himself think about how good food would be. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday, but he was not trusting Harry or his mysterious friend to bring him something. He would rather starve to death.

“Okay, suit yourself.” Harry went back to talking on the phone, telling whoever was on the other end what he wanted.

It wasn’t long before the two of them were sitting in the living room in silence, neither of them too sure what to talk about. What do you even discuss with someone you’ve hated for over a decade? Louis wasn’t too sure.

Harry cleared his throat. “So… a boat? In your basement, huh? Please tell me why.”

Louis felt judged. This was the exact reason why he wanted to keep his project a secret until it was finished and everyone could marvel at its sheer beauty and power. “Wanted to,” Louis replied, not wanting to talk about it much further. “Got bored. Lockdown is boring. Can’t go anywhere, can’t see anyone.” Louis refused to look at Harry, focusing all his attention on picking at his nails.

“You got bored so you started to build a boat?” Harry questioned slowly, narrowing his eyes a little.

“And you’ve got into stripping,” Louis snapped. “We all have hobbies!”

“Wow, calm down, mate. I was just asking. Making conversation, you know. No need to get so angry. Besides, I haven’t gotten into stripping – not that it would be a bad thing if I had but it’s just a bit of fun.”

Louis sighed, saying nothing else. Harry seemed to get the idea and dropped the topic, opting for another one. “Why do you hate me?” he asked, bluntly. “I don’t hate you, but you attacked my innocent shrubs.”

“You don’t remember?” Louis laughed in disbelief. How couldn’t Harry remember? It was one of the most traumatic things that ever happened to him. To this day, he still had the occasional nightmare about The Event.

“Honestly, I don’t remember,” Harry said, raising his hands a little.

Louis didn’t want to relive it. He had done it one too many times with his therapist over the years. He took a deep breath, knowing Harry would keep watching him if he stayed silent. “Fine,” Louis said, knowing he had no choice. “It was when we were kids. You… you said you’d look after my Tamagotchi but you didn’t! You _killed_ Fred! He was almost three weeks old – the oldest one I’ve ever had and you killed him!” Louis could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he refused to let them roll down his cheeks. He was not going to cry in front of Harry, not again.

Louis looked up when he heard Harry begin to laugh – properly laugh as well. It offended him even more. He was about to cry and the pixel pet assassin sitting before him was giggling about the demise of his beloved. Louis felt queasy. “You’ve hated me for eleven years for that?” Harry wheezed, clutching his sides.

“Yes!” Louis shouted, starting to feel distressed at the other man’s apparent lack of empathy. He was a killer, and Louis was sure he’d kill again given the chance. He needed to get out of the house, and quick. He didn’t think his chances were high if he tried to fight the younger man – Harry was taller than him by a few inches, and that was without accounting for his mega arm! “You didn’t apologise either. You’re… you’re a psychopath! And I’m sat in your house waiting to be picked up. I need to go,” Louis said, getting up very quickly. However, Harry grabbed him, stopping him from going any further. This was it, this was the end. Louis was going to meet his demise in a room with incredibly high ceilings.

“Will you sit down?” Harry asked, pushing Louis back down. “I didn’t say I was sorry because I didn’t think it was a big deal.” Louis let out a small sob at the thought. He couldn’t imagine the number of Tamagotchis which had died in the hands of this uncaring monster. “We were kids. I thought you were mad at me because I stole your packet of crisps that one time, or that your mum loved me more than she loved you. But not this. Jesus Christ, Louis.”

Louis was going to start to yell, to let Harry how much his little buddy Fred meant to him, but before he could get his first word out, another voice entered the room. Although he knew it was impossible to Liam this early, he couldn’t stop the feeling of hope flood his voice.

“Zayn!” Harry called. “We’re in the living room. Did you get what I wanted? Tell me they had prawn toast. I’ve been craving it for days.”

The new man walked into the room, eyeing the two people sitting next to each other. “’Ight. What’s going on here, then?”

Louis knew that voice. He knew that voice a little too well, but he couldn’t believe it. He sat in stunned silence, gazing at Zayn as he walked towards Harry with two Styrofoam containers.

“What’re you lookin’ at, mate?” Zayn asked, feeling awkward as the stranger gawked up at him.

“You’re…” Louis managed to splutter out. “You’re _FloatsAndBoats_. From YouTube.” Louis looked between Harry and Zayn. He felt like he was being pranked. There was no way this was happening to him now. Or he was asleep. He willed himself to wake up, pinching his thigh a little. When that didn’t do anything but make the two men give him even weirder looks, Louis had to accept this was real life.

“Yeah?” Zayn answered, looking towards Harry for help. Harry was too busy laughing at them to be any form of assistance. “And what about it? Who are you?” Zayn was not comfortable with a crazed fanboy sitting in his house where he was meant to be safe. If he knew his silly YouTube channel would have collected creeps that hunted him down, he would not have made his first video back in 2010.

Harry had managed to compose himself a little to get a coherent sentence out. “This is Louis Tomlinson. You know, the guy from school. I’ve mentioned him before.”

Zayn nodded gradually, working everything out. “And he’s in our house because…?”

“I have something of his. A pole? Something about a boat – I don’t know. But I want to use it for pole dancing. Can I keep it, Zayn? _Please_?” Harry jokingly pleaded, making his eyes look large and watery. “Zayn, can we please keep it? I’ll look after it and take it out every-“

“Shut up, Harry,” Zayn chuckled. “We’re giving his poor lad his whatever back and then he’s gonna go home, okay?” He turned to face Louis, who still seemed to a starstruck. “How are you getting back, son? Where do you live?”

“I… I- um,” Louis stuttered. “Doncaster?” Although it sounded more like he was questioning where he was from. Way to go, he thought to himself, well done for making a total fool in front of your idol.

“Doncaster, huh? Did you drive, then?” Zayn asked, trying to keep the short man from having some form of an anxiety attack on his favourite chair.

“No, he got the bus,” Harry piped up from the corner of the room between shoving noodles into his mouth. “His friend’s coming down to pick him up. I think he should be here relatively soon.”

Zayn nodded. He hoped the man’s friend would be here sooner rather than later. He hadn’t envisioned trying to keep a fan calm when he came back home. Sometimes he wished he had a normal life – an anonymous life. “Okay, cool. Put the TV on or something. It’ll make the time pass faster, I suppose.”

Zayn wished it would make the time pass faster, at least.

***

It felt like a decade had gone by before the sound of someone knocking on the door broke the silence. “I’ll get it!” Zayn said, getting up very quickly. He couldn’t deal with the tension and uncomfortable vibes building up in the room. They had managed to watch two episodes of _Come Dine With Me_ but it wasn’t enough to break whatever was going on between the other men.

“Hey, I’m here to get Louis,” the new man said, looking at his phone. “Sorry that he just turned up like-“ he paused, mid-sentence when he took his eyes away from the screen. “Zayn?”

“Payno!?” Zayn replied, disbelievingly. “You’re Louis’ friend?”

“Unfortunately,” Liam replied with a small sigh. He couldn’t believe this was his life. “Is he in there?” he asked, motioning behind Zayn.

“Yeah, he is. Come in. You’ve travelled far. Can I get you something to eat? I bought Chinese,” Zayn asked as he walked with Liam through the house and into the living room. “H, you’d never guess who Louis’ friend is! It’s Liam Payne – Payno!”

Harry waved at Liam, smiling softly. “What is this? A school reunion. All we need is that blond kid, Niall, and then we’d all be here. Shame he had to move out of the country a few years ago, I miss him.”

Louis remembered a Niall from before, the man who had caused this whole mess. He decided that he hated Niall now.

Liam came to sit next to his friend, giving him a tired look when his friend tried to say hi. “Tell me you didn’t cause these people any trouble. If you have, then you’re walking home but I’ll have the locks changed so you won’t be able to get in.”

“He didn’t cause any trouble,” Harry replied. “He just wants that pole. You know, the eight-meter one. So, um, good luck getting that in your Fiat 500.”

Liam felt like dying. He knew it wouldn’t fit in his car, but he could also tell that Louis wasn’t going to shut up if he left that godforsaken hunk of wood down here. He’d have to come up with something, ideally soon. Liam wanted this day to be over so he could lie down in his bed and watch awful late-night television before he passed out.

“I’ll help you. I think I know where H put it. We’ll give these two some space. I think they need to make up after Harry killed a pet of Louis’ or whatever. I don’t care. Let’s go.” And with that, Liam and Zayn exited the room, leaving Louis alone with Harry for the millionth time that day. He hated his life.

“Will you ever forgive me?” Harry asked, half-kidding.

“No,” Louis replied, glaring at the younger man. He would never forgive him. Harry deserved life in prison for his crimes against technology and robbery of important features of a boat. “Never.”

Harry sighed. “Fine, whatever.” He went back to flicking through TV channels and ignoring Louis again.

The silence was broken by a loud bang, quickly followed by the sound of glass hitting the floor and the unmissable voice of Liam swearing to the high heavens. “Uh oh,” Louis said to himself, know that he was going to get the brunt of Liam’s rage whenever they were out of earshot. “I’ll go and see what’s going on,” he said, excusing himself from the room. He was glad to finally be free of that cold killer, feeling as if he could relax for the first time in three hours.

What he saw didn’t surprise him. There was a wooden pole sticking out of Liam’s car and glass scattered on the floor. Louis walked towards the mess, making sure to kick a couple of rose bushes as he went – just to make sure they were extra damaged for Harry.

“What am I going to do?” Liam whined, his voice shaking. “This is going to cost a fortune to fix. It ruined my window!”

Louis didn’t know what else to say. All he knew was that his prize was in a car and would soon be on its way back to Doncaster – where it belonged! He just needed Liam to get over himself and start to drive back home. Louis still had a boat to make, and they were quickly losing daylight hours.

He knew how to anger his friend in such a way to get him going. With a deep breath, Louis began to sing.

“ _Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace_!”

***

It had been a few days since Louis ran off to Harry's house and Liam was still fuming. He couldn’t sleep. It was all he could think about. Rolling on his side, he checked the time. It was 4:03am – too early to be awake on a weekend. However, anger kept him up. He needed the wood which was taking up space in their small front garden gone.

He only had one choice. He had to burn it, and ideally before Louis woke up.

He’d blame it on local youths, saying he’d seen some kids hanging around the street yesterday. It was believable enough, the area they lived in wasn’t necessarily known for safety.

Liam crept out of bed, putting on a jumper before he left his room. As he made his way down the short hallway, he checked in Louis’ room to double-check that the other man was asleep still.

He was, snoring away without a worry in the world. “God, I wish that were me,” Liam muttered to himself as he slowly went down the stairs, making sure to miss the one noisy steps.

He slipped on his coat, grabbing some matched and a firelighter from the side. It was going to go up in flames, and Liam couldn’t wait. Ever since he had been made aware of the boat escapade which would be happening in his basement, he resented it. It didn’t make any sense. Why a boat? Why in the basement? There was no way it would fit!

“Four tonnes,” Liam said to himself, walking towards the ugly destroyed forest. He placed the firelighter in the centre of the pile and struck a match. Soon it would all be over, and he hoped that it would put an end to his friend’s obsession. Maybe he would pick up a useful hobby like felting or growing cress in hollowed-out eggshells.

The moment the naked flame hit the wood, it caught on fire. Liam smiled to himself, he could use the ash to fertilise his small garden. His strawberries were going to be incredible! This, if any, was a good enough reason to do what he was doing. Boats? Who needed them? Besides, Doncaster was nowhere near the sea, but strawberries… they didn’t need to be in a body of water to work.

He watched the fire, warming his hands and dreaming about his fruit-filled future.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment 🤗🤩


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